25
Oct
09

He knows best

I was just hit by a sense of laughing at myself for the silly project that I’ve allowed myself to be engaged in for a while. The project is called ‘questioning God and whining at him for not understanding me and what I need and what I need to do’. It’s a project that certainly doesn’t bring any life to me or to the people around me who end up as collateral damage when I go down the well-worn path of self-pity, doubt and thinking I know better than God.

God, as always, is patient with me, and I believe he just used a couple of conversations yesterday to remind me that he knows very well what he is doing. I was talking to a Portuguese friend of mine on Facebook about the missions conference in Holland at the very end of 2001 where we met each other. This was also the conference where God called me into missions and completely changed the direction of my life. I wasn’t planning on attending this missions conference. I thought I had plans with my girlfriend, but when she decided to end our relationship in November 2001, I thought I might as well go to the missions conference….! There were no deeper spiritual reasons for going than the very human emotion that at least I would be with a lot of people around new year’s instead of puttering around by myself. And God saw that somehow my heart was open, and he called me into missions and changed my life!

I was also talking to my wife Jeannette and we were talking about the fact that we both really wanted to lead a Youth With A Mission Discipleship Training School (YWAM DTS) outreach team to Kenya in Africa in 2004 when we were both on staff helping leading a DTS in England. Unfortunately the base leaders wouldn’t allow the Kenya idea to happen, and instead we ended up leading a team to Ukraine. A year later God called us back to Ukraine and used our two and a half years in Ukraine to break us of much pride and set us on the path we’re still on of learning daily more about what it means to have Christ be our life and rest in everything he is and does instead of trying to produce life ourselves. Would we have gone (back) to Ukraine if we hadn’t been there before with the outreach team? God only knows.

The message from God in reminding me of these two instances is that God knows what he is doing, even when I can’t see the big picture at this point.

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I know parts of what God has called me to do, and I’m impatient for more things to happen quicker. I often eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden, and I think that I know what’s best for myself. I want things my way at my pace, but I know that at the essence of who I really am, in my spirit, I want what God wants for me. I want life his way. I want the plans he has for me and the ministry that he wants to do through me to happen in his order and in his way. I know that’s the truth, but I need to be reminded of it, when I’ve fallen under the control of my emotions and believe that nothing is happening…

Blessings, Torben – who just saw this picture of myself from my toddler days and know that God has been leading me all my life even through the experiences I still don’t understand 🙂

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