13
Sep
08

My eyes are dry

Finally! This Monday my nine week advanced exchanged life training program starts. Check out Grace Ministries International’s website for more info about what that is. Or just log on to this blog site, where I’ll be writing about what I learn and experience.

It’s been weird looking at myself these past few weeks. I feel so dry. I feel so empty in many ways. And ironically enough I think that means that I’m in the perfect place to start these nine weeks. I certainly don’t come with a sense of having “arrived”, thinking that I know all this stuff about identity in Christ and having Christ living his life through me. I don’t. It’s still all very new and fresh to me. I’m hungry. Very hungry. And thirsty to taste the life giving water of Christ that I’ve tasted some of before. I want more. More life. More intimacy with my friend and Savior, Jesus Christ. I want to know him more. I want to die to my flesh and my own ideas of who he is and who I am. I want to step away from the lies that I still believe about who God is. I want to know and experience the truth of who God is. 

For the third time in my life I feel like I have all my eggs in one basket. If this fails, if God doesn’t show up, I don’t have a plan B. Because I know this is it. I know this is where life is. And every other time I’ve been without a plan B, God has shown up in incredible ways. And I know he’ll do the same this time. I know he wants me more than I want him. I know he loves to reveal who he is, and I know he’ll be faithful to complete the good work he has begun in me (Philippians 1:6). I’m excited to see where my Good Shepherd will take me these next nine weeks. I expect both the valley of the shadow of death where I die to me and get to experience Jesus’ life as a reality in my life. Those valleys are dark and lonely places, but Psalm 23 promises me that he will go there with me, so I’m not afraid. And I know there’ll be places of rest where he’ll restore my soul as it’s also promised in that wonderful Psalm.

For now I’ll leave you with this great live recording of Keith Green singing the song “My eyes are dry” which I’ve been singing many, many times the past week. Such good lyrics, where the conclusion to Keith’s (and my) poor state of mind is not to try harder on my own, but to invite God to soften my heart, and bring life. I want a soft heart, but only God can do that.

My eyes are dry, my faith is old. My heart is hard, my prayers are cold. And I know how I ought to be, alive to you and dead to me. But what can be done for an old heart like mine? Soften it up with oil and wine. The oil is you, your Spirit of love. Please wash me anew with the wine of your blood

Blessings, Torben

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2 Responses to “My eyes are dry”


  1. September 14, 2008 at 11:11 pm

    Hey Torben! It was a real blessing to read your post and I wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you as you begin AT. I recently finished AT in Denver and will be going on staff with ELM soon. It will be a good fit with my ministry at Grace for the Heart. Check out our website if you get the chance.

    One comment: as you go through AT you will do a lot of reading and there will be a lot of info. Just remember through it all that Jesus is a real Person who loves you and is active in your life. The message of grace is far more than a system or a even a message; we present a real Person. Your goal is to learn what He has already done for you and to open your life to whatever else He wants to do. The truth will set you free only because He has already done the work and made the sacrifice for your freedom.

    I guess what I want to say is that God has already “shown up.” He just wants to open your eyes and heart to His reality, activity, and continuing presence. He will never leave you… ever!

    I’ll be praying for you…

    Dave
    http://www.gracefortheheart.org

  2. September 15, 2008 at 12:26 am

    Hey Dave! Thank you so much for your encouraging comment and your prayers. It truly is incredible how people who have never met can connect through the Internet. I appreciate your ministry and I enjoyed reading stuff on your website. May God bless you richly as you enter into this new season of working for an Exchanged Life Ministry!

    Torben


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