About a savior complex and Prince Caspian

I heard another sermon yesterday that touched on brokenness. I wonder if God is trying to prepare for the nine weeks, starting mid-September, where I will have the huge privilege of spending time with God every day with new friends in an atmosphere of utmost transparency and brokenness? These weeks I’m looking forward to this internship with Grace Ministries International. I have been reading different books that challenge me in the right direction. I am reading Charles Solomon’s Handbook to Happiness, and despite not liking the title of the book, I am really enjoying its content. He explains very well what has happened to me since June 2007 in England where I started grasping some of who I am in Christ and what it looks like to allow Christ to live his life through me. I have seen some and experienced bits of the abundant life that Christ promised all believers. How thankful I am for that! I am not the same person any more. From God’s perspective I was always in Christ since I accepted him as my Savior many years ago. But for me it’s only these past years I’ve begun to see that Christ is much more than “just” my Savior. He is my life. He is the one who wants to live his resurrection life through me. And when I allow him to live his life through me, other people and myself get to experience great blessings, hope and life. 

After my wonderful month in England last year, it has been difficult for me to hold on to the new truths that I have learned. I’ve encountered many attacks from Satan which doesn’t surprise me, but still I have unfortunately allowed Satan and my flesh to get the better of me many times these last 14 months. I’ve been misunderstood by friends and other people I’ve talked to, and it has hurt me. I’ve been tempted to walk away from experiencing more life in Christ with the somewhat silly thought: “I don’t want to experience more of what Christ has for me, because that will mean that people I love will understand me even less than now“. That thought has attacked me many times. It sounds kind of humble as in: “I want to be able to relate to people, so unless they get what I testify about, it’s not really nice of me to grow more”. It may sound humble, but really it’s ridiculous. It’s a Savior Complex. It’s me saying that I am super important for other peoples’ life and growth with God. It’s me saying that unless I inspire and help them, they won’t grow. It’s me saying that I’m the most important discipleship trainer. 

I saw the film version of C. S. Lewis’ “Prince Caspian” the other day in the local dollar theater ($1.75 per ticket, how great is that?!) and a line in the movie really spoke to both Jeannette and me. Young Lucy had seen the lion Aslan (Jesus) in the woods a couple of times during the movie, but she can’t convince her brothers and her sister that she really did see him and that they should walk after him. Finally she meets Aslan in person, and she tries to explain why she didn’t come to see him, trying to use her siblings’ unwillingness to come as an excuse. Aslan turns to Lucy and says: “So if you knew I was there, why didn’t you come?“. That question became Jesus’ question to me. “If you know that I’m here, why don’t you come and meet with me?” And I felt he has been adding: “How is it your problem what other people choose to do or not do? Why are you so concerned about other people? I want relationship with you! I want you to experience more life! And don’t worry about the people you love….I will call them in my way. It’s my job, not yours!”

I am honored by the fact that Jesus is wanting to reveal himself more and more to me. I’m humbled by the fact that he cares so much about me that he continues to give me opportunities to learn more about who he is and who I am in him. I’m thankful for his patience with me. I’m often impatient with my slow growth and my defeats in my life. I’m frustrated that my flesh so often gets the better of me. I am thankful that all I hear from Christ is: “trust me, come and follow me”. Yesterday at church I had to, once again, re-dedicate my life to Jesus as my Shepherd. I really do just want to be a sheep lead by my great Shepherd. I want him to take me through the valley of shadow of death and brokenness. I want him to help me die more and more to myself, so I can allow him more and more to live his life through me. My flesh and my feelings protest. They know that growing with Christ involves pain. The pain of calling things by their right name. The pain of looking at (past) sin, pain and hurts. The pain of admitting that I don’t have it all together. The pain of accepting that I’m accepted and seen as perfect even when all my actions are not perfect. The pain of being broken, vulnerable and open without trying to cover up my issues, weaknesses and problems. 

But I want more life. I want it all. I am not satisfied with a mediocre Christian life where all I have to look forward to is a whole of bad conscience, boredom, and then the promise of heaven (even though, unfortunately, many Christians don’t even look forward to that….). I know there is more to life. I know that eternal life is to know Christ. Right here and right now. And I do pray with Paul: “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead” (Philippians 3:10-11).

Blessings, Torben – who has been very encouraged by comments from some of those who read this blog who have said that God has used this blog to speak into their lives! Hallelujah!

5 Responses to “About a savior complex and Prince Caspian”

  1. 1 lance
    September 3, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    hey, I thought a dollar theater was only a dollar? how cheap is that? I would say it was false advertising and scream for my 75 cents back. Anyway, I am glad that you are going to be doing the internship. It sounds like you will have a “good” time. And it looks like the ground is being tilled as we speak.

  2. September 3, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    To defend Picture Show Marietta, I guess I should say that they don’t call themselves a Dollar Theater, and that on Tuesdays tickets are only 75 cents! You should come and check it out one of these days 🙂

  3. September 10, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

  4. September 11, 2009 at 2:42 am

    Hey Sandrar! I’m very glad to hear that you enjoyed reading my blog entries. You are always welcome to come back and read more 🙂 Blessings, Torben

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