more talk about sex

For some reason I seem to be stumbling on some very interesting articles about (premarital) sex these days. Here is another one from Relevant Magazine where the author makes some very good points about the danger of premarital sex. An article that starts out with the wonderful statement: “Sex is awesome!”, and then it goes on to explain some of (many) reasons why sex outside of marriage is not so….awesome.

My favorite portion of the article is right here:

“Sex covers relationship flaws. No matter what you call it, that season before marriage is a really important time in your life. It is the coming together of two people in an effort to know and be known. It is a trial period, in which you are pursuing compatibility and connection in hopes of a lifelong commitment. That is some serious stuff. As exciting and exhilarating as this season can be, it’s also loaded with pressure. But you see, pressure can be a very good thing.

The best analogy I’ve heard regarding this topic is from a book by P. Roger Hillerstrom. He parallels a couple’s relationship before marriage to a steam pipe. The role of this pipe is to transport pressure. Many times, these pipes are prone to cracks and imperfections. When pressure builds, it allows these cracks and imperfections to be revealed and ultimately repaired. But when the pressure is released prematurely … the pressure doesn’t build, and the cracks are never found, nor repaired. As Hillerstrom says, “Eventually, they will corrode and destroy the pipe.”

The truth is, every relationship must go through a series of healthy pressures to discover what it’s really made of. Family of origin issues, expectations, roles, personality differences … the list goes on and on. Communication is the key to discovering and working through these pressures. As a professional counselor, I can’t stress enough the importance of building a marriage on healthy communication. The problem with sex outside of marriage is that it allows for “pressure” to be released through the avenue of the physical rather than by the foundational structure of communication.  

Problems and flaws are never discovered … until it’s too late and the damage has completely destroyed what could have been an indestructible match.”

Spot on! Read the rest of the article for yourself and see what you think.

It did hit me as I read the comments regarding this article, and the other article about premarital sex that I wrote about earlier that some people have developed some very interesting thoughts about God. Several people commenting on both articles who call themselves believers are saying that A) they don’t feel any guilt or regrets about having had sex outside of marriage, and B) their relationship with God improved after having had sex outside of marriage…! The first one I had heard before, and while I don’t believe it to be true, and it’s definitely not the cause for ANY of the many people I’ve counseled the last three years, it sounds at least a tiny bit more likely than the second statement. It is indeed a very small god that fits what they like. Sure thing, God is going to bless us with an overwhelming sense of peace, joy and love, when we directly go against his will and what the Holy Spirit who lives inside of each believer tells us brings death to us………..Hmmm…no!

Sometimes God must be at least somewhat surprised of what comes out of the mouths and keyboards of his children.

Anyway, time to eat an orange.

Blessings, Torben

this is who i am

What a beautiful song about the truth about who I am!

Blessings, Torben

Heaven, the New Earth – enough with all the Hell-talk!

I guess it’s about time for me to write a blog about the Good News about eternity. A couple of my blog entries have focused on a couple of books, Love Wins and Erasing Hell, that talk a lot about issues of eternity.

I also picked up Randy Alcorn’s 500+ page book, Heaven, to see what he would be writing about what I have to look forward to. It’s a long book. A very long book in fact. I wanted to just put in some of the important quotes that I enjoyed and was encouraged by through reading this mammoth of a book.

 

“Nearly every Christian I have spoken with has some idea that eternity is an unending church service…We have settled on an image of the never-ending sing-along in the sky, one great hymn after the another, forever and ever, amen. And our heart sinks. Forever and ever? That’s it? That’s the good news? And then we sigh and feel guilty that we are not more ‘spiritual’. We lose heart, and we turn once more to the present to find what life we can” (John Eldredge in his book Desire, where he talks about eternal life with Christ being a lot more than what most Christians dare to believe)

“If you read history, you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next. The Apostles themselves, who set on foot the conversion of the Roman Empire, the great men who built up the Middle Ages, the English Evangelicals who abolished the Slave Trade, all left their mark on Earth, precisely because their minds were preoccupied with Heaven. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this. Aim at Heaven, and you will get earth ‘thrown in’: aim at earth and you will get neither” (C. S. Lewis)

“God will make the new earth his dwelling place…Heaven and earth will then no longer be separated as they are now, but they will be one. But to leave the new earth out of consideration when we think of the final state of believers is greatly to impoverish biblical teaching about the life to come” (Anthony Hoekema)

“Understanding and anticipating the physical nature of the New Earth corrects a multitude of errors. It frees us to love the world that God has made, without guilt, while saying no to the world corrupted by our sin. It reminds us that God himself gave us the earth, gave us a love for the earth, and will delight to give us the New Earth” (Randy Alcorn)

“In the truest sense, Christian pilgrims have the best of both worlds. We have joy whenever this world reminds us of the next, and we take solace whenever it does not” (C. S. Lewis)

“Everything is gone that ever made Jerusalem, like all cities, torn apart, dangerous, heartbreaking, seamy. You walk the streets in peace now. Small children play unattended in the parks. No stranger goes by whom you can’t imagine a fast friend. The city has become what those who loved it always dreamed and what in their dreams she always was. The new Jerusalem. That seems to be the secret of Heaven. The new Chicago, Leningrad, Hiroshima, Beirut. The new bus driver, hot-dog man, seamstress, hairdresser. The new you, me, everybody” (Frederick Buechner)

“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating” (Simone Weil)

“I meet many faithful Christians who, in spite of their faith, are deeply disappointed in how their lives have turned out. Much of the distress of these good people comes from a failure to realize that their life lies before them. That they are coming to the end of their present life, life in the body is of little significance. What is of significance is the kind of person they have become. Circumstances and other people are not in control of an individual’s character or of the life that lies endlessly before us in the kingdom of God” (Dallas Willard)

These were lots of different quotes talking about eternal life on the New Earth with my friend Jesus and many, many other friends! I can’t wait! I know some Christians who don’t look forward to life on the New Earth. Maybe they think we’ll be in some weird, boring place? Maybe they are afraid they’ll miss out on something here on the Earth? I don’t understand them. Whether my life is great and I enjoy my everyday situation, or whether I’m walking through a difficult time in my life, one thing remains the same in me: my desire to experience the New Earth with Jesus! My desire to be completely free from my flesh. My desire to reconnect with loved ones and experience life to the fullest for all eternity! To quote the late, great Keith Green:

“You know, I look around at the world and I see all the beauty that God made. I see the forest and the trees and all the things. And says in the Bible that He made them is six days and I don’t know if they’re a literal six days or not. Scientists would say no, some theologians would say yes. But I know that Jesus Christ has been preparing a home for me and for some of you, for two thousand years. And if the world took six days and that home two thousand years, hey man, this is like living in a garbage can compared to what’s going on up there.“

And I conclude this blog entry with some of the last words of the Bible, written by John, the disciple Jesus loved, who ended the Revelation God gave him like this:

“He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon”. Amen, come Lord Jesus.” (Revelation 22)

 

Blessings, Torben

erasing hell review

I promised to write a review of Francis Chan’s book Erasing Hell. I shall keep my promise, even though I don’t feel like writing about it. I just returned from a trip to Nigeria, where I had the privilege of speaking to approximately 80 pastors and leaders in two different leadership conferences about Christ-formed Leadership. I greatly enjoyed this second trip to the wonderful country of Nigeria, and I couldn’t help but noticing the difference between the Nigerian believers’ attitude towards the Word of God compared to the climate we have in many evangelical circles in the Western world today, which makes Love Wins a book that can confuse people and cause many believers to start believing things they  wouldn’t believe if they knew their Bibles very well.

The Nigerians we met love God, know and understand the importance of encountering God – through his Word, through him speaking directly to them, through nature, through whatever..! But they understand a piece of truth that so many have lost in 2011: God will never ever reveal something or speak something that will contradict what’s already written in the Bible! We are all called to be like the Bereans in Acts 17:11 who searched the Scriptures, and examined what Paul was saying to them to see if it was true or not.

I loved that the Nigerian pastors and leaders kept asking us questions from the Bible. I loved that they would ask questions when we taught something that seemed to contradict what they know from the Bible. And I loved that they were open and teachable to allow God’s Spirit to show them new realities, truths and bring them to a greater degree of freedom.

Enough about the Nigerian believers, and back to Francis Chan’s book. I guess there is not that much to say. It’s a good, short, well-written book that clearly spells out what the Bible teaches about Heaven, Hell and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived. Chan writes from a position of humility. He is not out to attack anyone who might disagree with him. He is not on a crusade to hurt anyone. But he loves God enough and respects his authority to allow him to have the final say about what will happen eternally with people on Planet Earth, he is the creator of all things and all people after all. Chan writes with pain about the many people who will end up in Hell. Chan echoes the pain of C. S. Lewis who wrote this in The Problem of Pain:

“There is no doctrine which I would more willingly remove from Christianity than this (the doctrine of Hell), if it lay in my power. But it has the full support of Scripture and, specially, of our Lord’s own words“

I share his pain. And so does every other soft-hearted believer. No-one, if they truly know Jesus Christ, will rejoice in the fact that evil will have eternal consequences. It’s by no means a pleasant thought. In fact it’s tremendously unsettling, but as Francis Chan keeps saying in Erasing Hell: we simply cannot afford to be wrong about what we believe about Heaven and Hell and who will end up where. We have to ask God, and we have to be open to listen to his revelation about those realities. And then we are to go and be the vessels that Jesus will love people through and bring them to himself. Not just for salvation, even though that’s obviously the main point of this book, but also for Life – life today, and life forever more!

I appreciate Francis Chan’s effort to write this book in a humble, pastoral way. He obviously cares for people. I felt cared for and pastored through reading it.

I pray that we as believers will see more of the truth of who God is, and what he has done for all people. Jesus hung on the cross and cried out: “It is finished!”. It is finished. Salvation is available. And Jesus wants to tell other people about this miracle through us. The Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20) is not something for us as believers to do. It’s something Jesus is doing through us.

And as I was finishing up reading Erasing Hell, I was, once again, reminded of the verse from Romans 2:14 that talks about that it is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance. God’s kindness. Not his wrath. Not his judgment. I hope that’s what people see when they look at my life. The kindness of God.

I definitely saw kindness in Francis Chan’s book Erasing Hell despite the difficult nature of the topics discussed in the book.

Blessings, Torben

it’s all grace

Here is a neat message by John Lynch, author of TrueFaced. I love the way he expresses God’s endless love for his children. Accept Christ as your Savior, allow Christ to show you who you are in him, and your life truly will change – it sounds too simple, but it is the truth! And this is the message that I have the privilege of sharing with people here locally and internationally through counseling, conferences, teaching, and personal relationships!

Jesus is not far away. I’m in him. And he’s in me. Hallelujah!

Blessings, Torben

post office theology

Heard at the local US Postal post office today:

Customer: “yeah…we got to obey God to be blessed”

Sales assistant: “absolutely…we have got to do what God says so we will be blessed instead of cursed”

Customer: “I hear people say I can’t afford to tithe, and I say to them that they can’t afford NOT to tithe”

Sales assistant: “Absolutely!”

Thus enlightened by their theological insights, I couldn’t help but thinking why it is that so many Christians still talk about and believe in the God of the Old Covenant? What the two ladies described was true. At a point in history it was true. It just isn’t true anymore. We as Christians live under the New Covenant! Read the book of Hebrews, if you want to look at all the differences between the two Covenants, and why the New Covenant is superior to the Old Covenant, and why it’s sad when Christians still relate to God from the basis of the Old Covenant. In the Old Covenant it was all about what you did. It was established between God and Israel. It was simple and easy to understand: do this and this, and you’ll be blessed. Do that and that and you’ll be cursed (just like the two people at the post office were saying!). The Old Covenant was about asking for forgiveness through sacrifices and other practices. In the Old Covenant you could never feel fully safe, for what if you had committed a sin that you hadn’t done the appropriate sacrifice to cover…?

The New Covenant is established between God the Father and God the Son, Jesus on behalf of mankind. It’s a Covenant that cannot be broken. It’s a perfect Covenant! It’s a Covenant I’m placed into when I accept Jesus as my Savior and my only, perfect sacrifice. I’m safe here. Absolutely safe. The New Covenant is about love, trust, joy and faith. The Holy Spirit is now residing in me (Ezekiel 36:25-27). God is in me! I’m joined spirit to spirit with God himself! (1. Corinthians 6:17). I can give according to what the Holy Spirit impresses on me. I know of people who give more than 50% of their income to the work of the Kingdom of God, and I know others who give 2% – and both sets of people are doing what God wants them to do!

I’ve often thought about writing a book titled “New Covenant for Dummies” or maybe “The New Covenant Made Simple“. There is so much richness in God showing us the beauty of the New Covenant. And I wish to experience more myself and I wish the same for the two ladies from the post office!

“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16)

Blessings, Torben

you are faithful

Another beautiful song by Steven Curtis Chapman that puts appropriate words to the pain I’m going through these days, and what I choose – completely opposite of what I feel – to hold up as truth: GOD IS FAITHFUL!!

Blessings, Torben

jesus meets me there

I’m glad he does.

Torben

Jesus will meet you there

Here is another beautiful song from Steven Curtis Chapman’s incredible CD Beauty Will Rise, Jesus Will Meet You There.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me, Your rod, and Your staff they comfort me” (Psalm 23)

Blessings, Torben

Characteristics of a broken person

This is part two of two about what brokenness is, and what it is to be a broken person. Here I want to focus on what I believe are the true characteristics of a truly, broken person.

I’ve been blessed to meet a few broken people in the definition of brokenness that I described here. They are beautiful and life-giving to be around! I wish there were more like them, and I know, see, and recognize that there is a growing hunger in the world for what these wonderful people exhibit in their walk with God.

Broken people are humble. They understand that true humility is just agreeing with God. Nothing more. Nothing less. When God says about a broken person that he or she is perfect, pure, holy, and righteous at the center of who this person  is  - no matter what they do/say/think/feel or don’t do/say/think/feel, they humbly agree with it. They understand that superior pride is saying that I’m more than God says I am, and that inferior pride is saying that I’m less than what God says I am.

Broken people are teachable. They understand that God can speak through, challenge through, and bless through anybody of whatever age, gender, educational level or race. They understand that being teachable also means that you’re willing to admit when you are wrong, and they freely do that resting in God’s unconditional acceptance of them.

Broken people don’t control other people. They understand that control is an illusion that insecure people cling to. They embrace the freedom to make choices and live their own lives, and they extend this freedom to other people to make their choices, whether good or bad, without needing to control them.

Broken people are forgivers. They understand that they have been fully forgiven for Christ for all sins and short-comings past, present, and future, and they know that true freedom is hindered if I choose to not forgive other people, myself, or even God (!).

Broken people embrace themselves in their brokenness. They are aware of their sins, faults, and weaknesses. And while not using any of their weaknesses as excuses for making poor choices, they are free to embrace and accept themselves, even when they screw up, because they know that God does the same. They understand that God loves us in light of our weaknesses, not in spite of them. And they understand that Henri Nouwen was right when he wrote: “Self-rejection is the single greatest enemy of spiritual life, because it contradicts the voice that calls us the Beloved“

Broken people know that they can’t do anything of real, eternal value in their own strength. They don’t say the absurd sentence “I need to work on that in me”, because they understand that life as a Christian is never about them trying to fix themselves or others. They understand that only as they rest in Christ, and allow him to do his work in them and through them, will their lives have lasting, life-giving impact.

Broken people are in the process of being healed. They understand that they can’t fix the wounds that they have own their souls. They cry out to God to reveal the wounds and idols (Psalm 139:23-24), and for him to heal the wounds (Psalm 23:3) and bring down the idols in their lives, and set them free to live lives of abundance.

Broken people are open and honest. They understand that they are free to live, make mistakes, and be the people that God wants them to be. They see no need to hide who they really are and even the mistakes they make when they try to meet their own needs in their own strength. They are open and honest with people and know that their security as people is not based on what other people think of them.

Broken people are truth-seekers. They know that Jesus is all Truth. And they know that if there is an area in their lives where they are not experiencing full freedom, it is because they still haven’t encountered the Truth in that area of their lives. They have seen and testify to Jesus being the Truth that sets people free (John 8:32)

Broken people are Kingdom-oriented. They understand that they are first and foremost citizens of God’s kingdom that’s breaking forth here on planet earth. They understand that what truly matters is getting to know God more and getting to know who I am in him, and then all other things shall be added as God pleases (Matthew 6:33)

Broken people have laid down their rights in front of God. They understand that we don’t have rights to family, friends, great places to live, health, wonderful stuff, mind-blowing vacations, etc. Because they have laid down these felt rights, and live in the reality that God is the giver of all good gifts, they are excited, surprised and thankful when great things and experiences come their way, but they also accept and embrace the fact that life doesn’t always turn out the way they hope.

Broken people are free to love. They love and accept people where they are, but with their lifestyle of love, acceptance, worth, and a sense of security they draw other people to the only One who is love, God (1. John 4:8).

Broken people don’t have to know everything. In a day and age obsessed with knowing everything that’s going on, always having a plan, and being in control, broken people rely on the fact that they don’t need to know everything. They rest in their Father, trusting that he always knows, and if he chooses to, he’ll let them know what they need to know. They live in the assurance that it’s okay to cry out and admit: “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you” (2. Chronicles 20:12)

Broken people rest. They know and have experienced that believers are just called to ‘hang loose’ in Christ as grapes on a vine (John 15). They rest in who they are in Christ, and they bring a fragrance of rest to all the stressed people around them. They have experienced that when you rest in who you are in Christ, you can experience both love (Ephesians 3:19), and peace (Philippians 4:7) that surpass understanding, even when circumstances are crazy, and you feel like your boat is about to go under (Mark 4:35-41)

These were just a few of the characteristics of the precious people that God is truly making a difference through, the truly broken people. I pray that God will take me further on this road of brokenness, that I may display all of these characteristics more and more fully.

Blessings, Torben